This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Day 26-27-28-29-30-31

Day 26: -Their Age-

Lily was a fighter, she had such a strong heartbeat! God blessed us with our sweet baby girl Lily, alive in my womb during 24 weeks and she is a blessing that we will remember always! ♥

Day 27: -Artwork-

Pregnant with Liy, her siblings wanted to draw on my belly for the baby... I am glad I have these memories now and that my kids have a happy memory of their sister as a part of our family.

I also framed my 11 year old drawing of our family while I was still pregnant with Lily. We had all gathered in my bedroom for family pictures, we actually took tons. I love this drawing of the last time our whole family was together...

Day 28: -Memory-

  I have so many memories that are, for most of them, bittersweet:

-The surprise and shock when I took my pregnancy test.

-The joy of announcing in our Christmas card, a new life was growing in my womb...

-The first time we heard her heart beat.

-The sweet sight of my baby on a screen but the bitter memory of the words that were chosen to tell me my baby was unlikely to live.

-Having to break my children's heart when we told them the baby was so very sick.

-The belly pictures with Lily's siblings and father.

-All the uncertainty, all the prayers and the learning to trust in my God.

-The morning we found no heartbeat.

-My labor with my baby, knowing I would not hear her cry, she would never nurse.

-The morning I came home and the pain and the ache I felt in my empty arms and my broken heart.

One memory I will never forget, is when I held Lily for the first time. Her warm, 2.2pounds little body was in my arms, she was all mine. I had worked so hard for this moment.
When I close my eyes, I can still feel her. I never want to forget how it was holding her, this is the memory that is forever engraved in my arms and in my heart.

Day 29: -Music-

Many songs have inspired and comforted me since the beginning of this journey:

"I Will Carry You" by Selah which I sang to Lily in my belly and played in her memorial video

"Still" by Gerrit Hofsink

"Hug Him Once For Me" by Erica McClure
"Held" by Natalie Grant

"Blessings" by Laura Story

and "Lullaby" by Dixie Chicks

But the song I am posting is "In Christ Alone" by Owl City.

Because "In Christ alone, my hope is found" I know I will be reunited with my baby Lily in Heaven for "I am His and He is mine".
Through this journey He has and continues to be "My comforter, my all-in-all",
"Here in the power of Christ I stand".
This song comforts me and reminds me of God's grace and the hope I have in Christ that I will see Lily again. Through this, I never was on my own.

John 14.6 Jesus answered: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Day 30: Your Grief -Tell The World-

Because Lily changed my life forever, because having her brought me closer to my God, I will speak her name. I will reach to others that experience the unthinkable of losing a baby and I will praise the One who chose me to carry my precious Lily.
"I believe every new life is a miracle.  I believe babies are blessings, precious gifts from God.  Not having Lily with us hurts and forgetting her would be impossible.  I will speak about Lily, my 6th child and include her memory in my family pictures, in our everyday lives.  I will carry Lily all my life..."
"I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart; I will tell about all the miracles You have done." Ps 9:1


Yesterday, we had a beautiful sunset here so I took pictures because the forecast predicted a very cloudy and rainy afternoon and evening for today... Also I wanted to post a sunset that reflected the warmth and the healing this project has been to my heart. I want to thank you Carlie Marie for this event. Thanks to everyone who made my journey a little less lonely and to all of those who took the time to read and comment what I shared ♥

This made me realize I might never be able to capture my child growing up but I can and will capture Lily's beautiful and precious memory endlessly...

Day 20-21-22-23-24-25

Day 20: Charity/Organization

I have many charity/organizations that I love... is perhaps the one I was the most relieved to find because of the Dreams of You baby book that was so important for me to find...

I also find alot of healing through Carly has amazing talents and I am blessed that she shares like she does!

-Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep-
I didn't have acces to them here, but so many blm share about them that they inspired many of the pictures we took ourselves to remember every moment with Lily

Day 21:-Sacred Space-
This space is more special than sacred...

 Day 22:-Place Of Care/Birth
This is the hospital where I delivered my sleeping baby Lily. I like to say Lily was born into Heaven. The sky in that picture reminds me of how heaven must be a peaceful and beatiful place!

Day 23: -Their Name/Their Photo-

I was nervous about this one... But here she is and I love her.

I chose her name a few days after we learned she would probably not survive. We didn't know the gender of our baby so I also had chosen a boys' name;  this baby needed a name.
 Little did we know that she would be born on Easter morning -Lily Hope- ♥
Born silent at 24w and 3d. She had Hygroma and Hydrops

Day 24:-Siblings-

  My 6 children, 5 who walk and 1 who soars.

Lily also has a sibling with her in Heaven. 14 years ago I miscarried and named him/her Eden. We don't often mention Eden's name but the kids have known about this baby forever even if all we have to remember him is a name...

Day 25:-Baby Shower/Blessing-
Lily was our 6th child, no need for more stuff, so no baby shower!

The only thing I needed to buy for Lily were new born disposable diapers. I got them because they were on sale and I remember thinking I would be glad to buy ahead and save a little once the baby was here.

About the Teddy Bear, I had put aside a couple Teddy Bears that were from someone's collection that she was giving away. I thought since all my other kids had chosen some for themselves, I should pick a few for this growing baby in my belly and chose which one I would give to him/her once here with us. It took me a while to remember I had this stored and was glad I had a little something "gifty" just because Lily was here!

CAPTURE YOUR GRIEF day 15-16-17-18

Day 15: -Wave Of Light-
On October 15, 2012, a Wave Of Light for baby Lily Hope and so many others who are missed...
I wish I would have explained more on this blog what was the Wave Of Light...  Here is some information I got on the FB page of the event:
"Everyone around the world is invited to light a candle at 7pm your time (all time zones) in remembrance of the babies and pregnancies lost.  If you let your candle burn for 1 hour it will create a wave of light over the entire world for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day October 15th."
Here is an interesting link:

Day 16:-Release-

I had never released anything for Lily before. Last evening, we went to a pond nearby and released a "homemade" origami waterlily lantern. It was beautiful, I plan on doing this again...

Day 17: -Anniversary/Birthday/Due Dates-

  I made this cake for after we came back home from Lily's memorial service. I plan to bake and decorate a cake for Lily's birthdays just like I do for all my other kiddos.
I was so sad the moment I realised I would not be able to do a cake for this child I had been carrying and expecting and dreaming about her birthdays to come, expressing my love and gratitude for that child with a cake on her birthday...
Sure, I won't be making cakes on her birthday for her because she is obviously not here to enjoy it with us, but I think my kids want to express their love for their sister by remembering her on that special day as much as I do...

Day 18:-Family Portrait-

I wasn't sure I wanted to post this picture. I decided I would so you would be able to put a face to all my posts. I am wearing my pendant of Lily's footprint. I love being able to include Lily in my family pictures!

                                                                   Day 19: -Project-

I had time to prepare losing my baby. I just can't imagine if I couldn't have, how much less memories I would have of this bittersweet day, the day I said hello and good bye to Lily all at the same time...

In my mind a memory box filled with tons of little things to help remember and to comfort would be what I would like to donate at my local hospital. But, for now, I am donating what I can, and I think those items are the most important ones.

-Disposable footprint ink sheets (hospitals don't do them here)
-Blank card (for prints)
-Baggies for mesh of hair, cord clip, hospital bracelets and measuring tape.
-A soft baby washcloth
-A list of things to note every details about baby (eye color, height etc)
I am also including a list of photo ideas with a reminder that it is OK to take the time to borrow a camera or ask a friend/family to take pictures for them. (NILMDTS not available here)

It feels so good (almost a relief) to think that some families will receive these and it might make a difference.

"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3