This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Day 26-27-28-29-30-31

Day 26: -Their Age-

Lily was a fighter, she had such a strong heartbeat! God blessed us with our sweet baby girl Lily, alive in my womb during 24 weeks and she is a blessing that we will remember always! ♥

Day 27: -Artwork-

Pregnant with Liy, her siblings wanted to draw on my belly for the baby... I am glad I have these memories now and that my kids have a happy memory of their sister as a part of our family.

I also framed my 11 year old drawing of our family while I was still pregnant with Lily. We had all gathered in my bedroom for family pictures, we actually took tons. I love this drawing of the last time our whole family was together...

Day 28: -Memory-

  I have so many memories that are, for most of them, bittersweet:

-The surprise and shock when I took my pregnancy test.

-The joy of announcing in our Christmas card, a new life was growing in my womb...

-The first time we heard her heart beat.

-The sweet sight of my baby on a screen but the bitter memory of the words that were chosen to tell me my baby was unlikely to live.

-Having to break my children's heart when we told them the baby was so very sick.

-The belly pictures with Lily's siblings and father.

-All the uncertainty, all the prayers and the learning to trust in my God.

-The morning we found no heartbeat.

-My labor with my baby, knowing I would not hear her cry, she would never nurse.

-The morning I came home and the pain and the ache I felt in my empty arms and my broken heart.

One memory I will never forget, is when I held Lily for the first time. Her warm, 2.2pounds little body was in my arms, she was all mine. I had worked so hard for this moment.
When I close my eyes, I can still feel her. I never want to forget how it was holding her, this is the memory that is forever engraved in my arms and in my heart.

Day 29: -Music-

Many songs have inspired and comforted me since the beginning of this journey:

"I Will Carry You" by Selah which I sang to Lily in my belly and played in her memorial video

"Still" by Gerrit Hofsink

"Hug Him Once For Me" by Erica McClure
"Held" by Natalie Grant

"Blessings" by Laura Story

and "Lullaby" by Dixie Chicks

But the song I am posting is "In Christ Alone" by Owl City.

Because "In Christ alone, my hope is found" I know I will be reunited with my baby Lily in Heaven for "I am His and He is mine".
Through this journey He has and continues to be "My comforter, my all-in-all",
"Here in the power of Christ I stand".
This song comforts me and reminds me of God's grace and the hope I have in Christ that I will see Lily again. Through this, I never was on my own.

John 14.6 Jesus answered: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Day 30: Your Grief -Tell The World-

Because Lily changed my life forever, because having her brought me closer to my God, I will speak her name. I will reach to others that experience the unthinkable of losing a baby and I will praise the One who chose me to carry my precious Lily.
"I believe every new life is a miracle.  I believe babies are blessings, precious gifts from God.  Not having Lily with us hurts and forgetting her would be impossible.  I will speak about Lily, my 6th child and include her memory in my family pictures, in our everyday lives.  I will carry Lily all my life..."
"I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart; I will tell about all the miracles You have done." Ps 9:1


Yesterday, we had a beautiful sunset here so I took pictures because the forecast predicted a very cloudy and rainy afternoon and evening for today... Also I wanted to post a sunset that reflected the warmth and the healing this project has been to my heart. I want to thank you Carlie Marie for this event. Thanks to everyone who made my journey a little less lonely and to all of those who took the time to read and comment what I shared ♥

This made me realize I might never be able to capture my child growing up but I can and will capture Lily's beautiful and precious memory endlessly...

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"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3