This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Getting ready for Christmas without her...

Waking up that morning, I was not prepared.  I was not prepared to face Christmas this way, without Lily, without any special news to announce.  I had hoped to be pregnant, to carry life this Christmas.  For two days I really thought it was happening, finally I felt like I could breath again, I felt overwhelming joy!  But reality hit me that morning, it was not going to happen.  And my first reaction was wishing we could skip Christmas this year.

So, I face Christmas season with the raw truth that someone will be missing in our Christmas card picture, a precious little baby girl will be missed preparing to celebrate, she will be missed Christmas morning...
The other evening, while I was hanging our Christmas lights, I noticed half of it would not work.  I cried, those lights were brand new from last year, my brand new baby was missing, it was as noticeable to me as these missing lights. 

In our family, Christmas is first of all the celebration of Jesus' birth.  Jesus, who came as a baby to save us.  Jesus who came to pay the price of my sins.  So I will focus on that more than ever before this year.  He is the reason for the season and reminding myself about that helps me get through preparing to celebrate with my family, my incomplete family.  I may not carry hope in my womb this Christmas but God gave me the biggest hope of all through His son Jesus, hope that I will someday meet my Saviour face to face and also be reunited with my sweet girl.

3 comments:

  1. It's hard :( It will be hard for years. But it will be ok. Jesus will get you through it

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  2. Aww Naomi, you've been in my prayers as I know how hard Christmas is, especially the first, without your precious baby. I too was praying you would have some special news as well. :( I will continue to lift you in prayer my friend! <3

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"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3