I haven't written in a long time... I am now 14 weeks pregnant! With the fatigue and daily nausea and a rough and scary beginning, I just didn't and couldn't write. Like with all my other pregnancies besides focusing on keeping my food down and taking care of myself, nothing is pretty much happening!
Today I went grocery shopping with my son so he could help me lift and transport groceries from the cart to the car and in the house! How I love having a boy who is getting so strong and who loves to help me out! Anyway, I wish I could have focused more on him and me but as I entered the store, I came across "the" nurse. The sweet nurse who tried to find my baby's heartbeat that Saturday morning where it was just not there anymore... I remember trying to "reassure" her when her face expression changed. I remember telling her: " You know it was more likely to happen?" She did of course, I just didn't want her to worry. She was doing her job, she just happened to be "the" nurse that morning.
I didn't speak to her, I couldn't. I don't think she recognised me, they see so many patients, I was just one among others.
I am still shaken. Today is the 7th. On the 7th of April, a month from now, it will be a year since that nurse was going across my belly with the doppler trying and trying to find that precious heartbeat. Seeing the one person who was there the morning I found out my baby was gone brings back memories that hurt and that are so clear, like it was yesterday.