This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Saturday, April 06, 2013

April 6, 2012

Today was a long day last year...  I had basically no day light, the young mother sharing the room with me was there first, and of course, she was on the good side of the curtain!  I have no idea what the weather was that day, all I saw was a curtain and two walls!   I could have tried to pull on the curtain a little bit more but I did not want to make her more moody than she already was.  To a certain point, I could understand, she probably was as miserable as I was, stuck in the hospital...

Miserable I was...  It is so boring and depressing to be in the hospital, no TV, no computer, no books (I had not foreseen staying there without giving birth!)  I was able to call some people or some people called me, I can't recall...  I know I spoke to my sister.  She told me she was considering coming for a visit.  I was not sure it was worth it for her to do the trip, nothing was really going on, my baby had a normal heartbeat and I had stopped bleeding.

My husband finally brought my 2 year old over in the afternoon, that made my day and I felt so much better that he could see for himself where his mother was.

I did ask a nurse for another room during that day and she told me it was impossible.  I didn't give up, after shift change, I whispered to another, very compassionate nurse, if I could have a different "roommate".  Sure enough, not even half an hour after, she not only had found another room, she had found the sweetest roommate ever!  Her name was Elise... How I would like to get in touch with her and get to meet her twins!  If only I could remember her last name!  That evening we got to chat a bit and she had a DVD player/screen on which we watched a movie, all that was missing was popcorn!

During that evening, Lily's heart was still beating...  Later that night, the nurse asked me if I wanted to be monitored or preferred to wait till morning.  I chose to wait.  I think it was for the best, I don't know if Lily's heart was still beating at that point, I will never know here...  I had a really good night of sleep, which little did I know, was going to be much needed for what was about to come.

Today, when I woke up, one of the first things I did was to open each and every curtain in my house!  It was a beautiful sunny morning!  The sky was clear and blue all day!

Looking through my dirty window this morning, I was grateful to be home, and now the day is over, I can't help but be grateful Lily is Home too, even if I miss her...

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"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3