This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Capture Your Grief 2013

October has arrived, my Rainbow is 1 month old, leaves are changing colors and falling.  At that time last year I was dreading the cold season ahead.  Cold scared me.  Empty trees scared me.  Five months before, I felt the cold like never before coming home with empty arms just hours after delivering.  It was chilly that Easter Sunday morning.  It warmed up but my chest and arms remained cold for weeks. 
But then I participated to the Capture Your Grief 2012 event , where I got to take and share pictures about Lily, she would be included in our memories for a whole month!  This has been so healing.  From then on, I knew I would be capable of facing the cold.  My camera could still capture my love for life, for Lily, for my children for my family.  It could still capture God's love and mercy for us.

So, again this year, I didn't want summer to end.  It was bittersweet, a wonderful pregnancy ended almost at the same summer did but I was happy, my arms were filled my precious  baby boy.  My heart never stopped aching for Lily.  My last perception of birth was still birth and my boy's birth brought back the bliss.  The memory of the heartache having to leave Lily's body was as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.  And it hurt so bad.  A shadow that soared over my pure joy of rocking my rainbow.  After these hard days of grief I consciously tried to avoid thinking about those hard memories in order to focus on my joy in an effort not to blink one second and miss out on those unique and irreplaceable first moments with my newborn. And I did, am and will savour every day. 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month a time to remember these precious souls that are missed and loved and support moms and dads on the unthinkable journey of grief.   I now am ready to face the season of remembering, I want more healing. I will participate to Capture Your Grief 2013.   And it starts in less than 11 hours...


The sunrise was very different this year.  Last year was cloudy and rainy, inside this is how I felt too.  My loss was like a shadow over my thoughts, smiles, my emotions.  This morning I woke up to the most precious sight beside me; my rainbow baby.  The ray of light and hope that God knew I needed, that my family needed in our lives.  This morning, the sun was shining both inside my home and in the sky.

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"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3