This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Diagnosis Day, year 4

On March 20th, 2012, I wish that the doctor would have told me my baby had Hydrops, a condition where fluid builds up in the body and that what she could see on the ultra sound was that it was so severe that it looked like it was keeping her lungs from developing.  That Hydrops is a serious & life threatening condition.  That life expectancy is too often, short for most babies.  That for now, he/she did have a strong heartbeat, that he/she had all 10 fingers and 10 toes.  That having a follow up with a MFM and Geneticist would be necessary to try to find out as much more as we could.  And as much as I personally believe that terminating the pregnancy should be avoided, then and only then, after getting a more precise diagnosis, discussing "options" should have been done.  And, options not only to terminate the pregnancy, but of carrying until birth and having perinatal palliative care options and support.

But instead, today marks 4 years that my daughter, our 6th child was labeled non-viable.  I remember how hearing the doctor say that she was incompatible with life sounded like she was less of a human because of her condition. Those words still hurt and sound like they always did, wrong in every way. My baby had a strong heartbeat, she lived the days that were planned for her.  That was her life and my job was to protect her.  Hydrops did not make her life less important than any of my other healthy children that survived the womb.

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"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3