This blog is about love despite a prenatal diagnosis, grief & healing after baby loss, hope, faith, pregnancy after loss and Hydrops Fetalis awareness.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

A letter to Clara Ray's mom

Dear Johanna,

At this time last year we were both pregnant, our babies were so tiny!  I was braving pregnancy for a second time after losing my daughter Lily to Hydrops Fetalis, scared of history repeating itself but still offering my support and prayers for the babies and parents fighting this harsh condition.  I started following you and your baby girl's journey on the Hydrops Fetalis FB support group after a few posts you had shared the link to your page Prayers for Clara Ray. When you shared that your baby was Hydrops free, I was thrilled that she had won against it, against what killed my own baby girl 4 years ago.  You inspired me throughout MY pregnancy.  You knew your baby would have to fight and you were not giving up, you were still smiling and capturing beautiful memories of your gorgeous growing belly.  All of this despite the fear and the unknown.

On a blessed day of June, you delivered your beautiful and perfect daughter Clara Ray!  I was still waiting for my baby to be ready to be born and I remember thinking that Clara Ray was so beautiful, if I was going to have a girl, mine would surely be a pure masterpiece, just like yours!  She cheered me up and gave me hope while I was getting more and more anxious and tried to push away my fears! I prayed for you and your baby girl and thanked God for her.

On a perfect day of July, I gave birth to my second rainbow, a baby girl!  Like yours she didn't have much hair, so I got her pretty headbands like I had seen on your girl.   Also, I  had a crush on those cute bandana bibs Clara Ray has been wearing, making them even cuter!  I missed out on your updates during the first months of postpartum.   Now, not a day goes by that I don't think of your Clara Ray and pray. As I keep reading the updates,  I love seeing her grow, just a month ahead of my girl.  My heart breaks every time she gets sicker. When my babies get sick I just can't wait for them to be themselves again, I can't imagine how hard it is for you knowing there is no cure.  I wait and pray anxiously hoping for good news of your girl bouncing back!  I think you share and update brilliantly, I believe this is a God given gift.
I cried when I read your childhood story.  I was amazed at how God revealed himself to you and praised him for the people that rescued you.  I praise God for your wonderful husband.  We can't tell what people have been through just by looking at them.  The incredible and cruel reality is sometimes something we never would have fathomed.
I want Clara Ray to live.  I want you to capture her on her first birthday, staring at the candle on her cake with her big blue eyes.  I want to see her grow and thrive.
I will keep praying for Clara, for a miracle, I will keep pleading. Thank you Jesus for both our girls.

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"Children are a gift from God, babies are a reward." Ps 127.3